30/11/06

// feeling :: confused!!
// prayer for :: tmr

AIYA. FAN SI WO.

Why so zhun oneeeeeeee......???

Today I left home to get to Dover for CGM only to reach there and find out it was postponed to tmr. You should've seen my face!

I stoned outside my hse for awhile, trying to calm myself down. I know its bad lar to get upset over this kinda thing (but its really wasting time!). Then I left, and in the bus, Kristal msg-ed me. IT WAS ABT MY JOB.

She said tmr, work form 10am to 930pm. My blood froze.

CGM changed from Thurs to Fri, ONLY ONE TIME. Job full day, ONLY ONE TIME. Why all the "only one time"s come at the wrong time?? So now what am I gonna do? Ditch my job, or miss Cgm?

This is hard for me. If I miss cgm, it'll be my first time and its held at my hse. So I have to be there, right? As for work, I started 4 days late and now its almost 12 working hrs. There's no way I can get off early because there's no one to replace me.

I was thinking abt it on the way home. I wonder, is it God's way of testing my true loyalty? But hey, I told her that I cant work at night on Thurs and that Fridays were ok. And now . . . *grrrrr. Work comes conveniently in the way.

I'll have to see what to do la...I hope tt Kristal gets back to me asap. Dun even know...where is the workplace...

Unlucky. Unlucky!!

So, what do I do now?

30/11/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Havin cell later. Thinkin of changing my blogskin. *thinks. No nice skins ard anyway...

Shucks. Wanna listen to Pst Prince's sermons. Mom had a whole bunch of recorded sermons in her room. I picked out 4 that interested me: The 'How' Of Receiving Comes From The Holy Spirit, Having Full Assurance With A Perfect Conscience, The Faith That Is Accounted For Righteousness, Keys To Manifesting The Glory Of His Presence.

In the morning, I was trying to do smth for the first time in my life. Lol I screwed it up and I gave up. Thats the bad thing abt me la I give up easily. But I'll get to it tmr. Thats a promise ;) I needa get it done by Saturday anyway.

I'm thinking if I should head over to my other hse now. Hmmm. If I take my time, I have like, half an hour to get there. Then, I'll have an hour to spare. Good, I'll use the time to go over the Bible again; I had a revelation the last time I did it there :) hopefully I'll get another one haha!

Its Dec soon. Christmas.

28/11/0 6

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Hello...

I went to Orchard with Shumei for lunch before her work. It was ok la had some ramen that didnt taste like ramen.

Saw so many nice things!! Nice skirts and shoes! Its torturous going to Orchard without any shopping money. Its been so long since I went to Orchard to window shop. The last time I went was to the grooming session with Catherine. I guess other more important things took over my interest in going out.

There's another KdC meeting tmr only for KdC members. I duno if I passed the interview though. I keep playing the interview in my mind since the end of it! Thinking about things that I should have said.

Ahahha. Wish I would start work soon.

26/11/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for ::

I noticed I always feel hungry.

I'm so nervous about the KdC interview. I kept replaying it in my head before I sleep and when I woke up just now. Ahhh. WillIbeabletogetin??

Was talkin to Ken while waitin for interview. He was asking qns about the interview and also about the new church hall. He kept calling the church hall "our new house". Those three words carried a lot of meaning in it.

What struck me were the words our and house. Our means us as a family in the church tgt, and it isnt God's alone, its also ours. Its like...A joint purchase. If u get what I mean. And house means, a place we stay in with our family, where we eat, where we sleep, etc.

Our new house just had a lot of meaning in it. Wow...Ken's making me all excited about our new house :)

I want to get . . . NKJV Bible...

My phone bill came a week ago and it almost gave my mom a heart attack. Last mth, the total was $40+ and this month's was 4-5 times that amount. Mostly it was the sms that escalated the cost so unless its impt or what, pls do not sms me because I may not reply.

26/11/06

// feeling :: GOOD
// prayer for ::

Today I realised that ... I'M SO BLESSED.

God has opened so many doors for me. Rising up in cell, BS, job opening, KdC..

I never really realised it until today. I felt overwhelmed, suddenly, and I was wondering why. Its so good to realise all the good things at once! God truly has been good.

I went for an interview for KdC with Ken after svc today. Had to wait for one hr before it was my turn. I was interviewed by Jiaying. She asked me for my cgl name, description of KdC, ministry, avaliability, how long in City Harvest and how I intend to grow in KdC.

I think I did pretty ok lar. Haha. I was running it thru my head again and again and again. So nervous whether I'll be in!!

Today...Rev Phil Pringle preached abt prayer again. SO GOOD. Those who miss out on KdC, BS, Phil Pringle S2, I feel sry for u. HAHA.

I'm so convicted.

I LOVE GOD! WITH ALL MY HEART, MY SOUL, MY MIND.

Sry I couldnt help but "yell" that out.

25/11/06

// feeling :: good
// prayer for :: tmr's svc

Today was great. W271 had an outreach with W229. We're breakin thru!

Well today . . . I almost got my lucky break =/ but in the end . . . plans changed and things didnt turn out like I expected. :(

*I'm really itching for my guitar*

Heh, today was CCC band and Rev. Dr. Phil Pringle. Cailing said the latter was very good-looking. LOL. Anointed by God :D

What impacted me most about his sermon was the very last part. When he called for an altar call (I finally got it right).

At first, I was a little frustrated because I dont know why Gab is ... not yet convicted of her belief, or rather that she was held back by other distractions. I felt so so frustrated that I asked God why why, when was His time for her to receive Him again.

Rev was walking and looking thru those who came up front. He stopped at this girl named Linda Ong. He spoke up to God, "God, this is Linda. Please remember her."

I was alr very touched by that.

Then he pretended to scribble smth on his palm, and said these words:

This is my daughter Linda. Her name will be in the Book of Life. She is now mine.

That did it. I tell you, when I heard it...I felt the presence of God so strong. I felt Him right beside me. Even though Rev wasnt talking about me, or that I wasnt up there to give my life again, I felt the strong reassurance. Its all I need.

I stood there and started crying. I wasnt sobbing uncontrollably or what, like how most of you would imagine. Tears just flowed down. My face expression didnt even change. But smth inside of my heart changed. The spirit of God moved within me, and I fell in love with Him all over again.

So simple, just a simple confirmation and reassurance that I was taken care of by God.

I'm more sure than ever, that GOD LOVES ME. And I have nothing to fear because He's with me. He's right next to me now, looking at me typing this post. He never was so "solid" to me before. I can feel Him, I can talk with Him, I can cry with Him, laugh with Him as if He's physically with me.

Now, I wont cry for sorrow. I'll cry for the love of God, I'll cry for the wonder of God, for the move of the Holy Spirit. The tears in the future will be tears of happiness. My tears are precious in Jesus' eyes, right? So whatever is precious, goes back to Him. So, they'll be for Him too.

I'm so in love. There is...such thing as a perfect Love after all, and I found mine in Jesus Christ. AMEN!

24/11/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: tmr's outreach!

If it werent so hard getting confirmed friends, I would be looking forward to the outreach tmr with W229.

Today, I met Ml, Alis, Mag, Wk, Xinni and Catherine at my hse in Dover to discuss about tmr's outreach. We went into the room and Catherine talked to us about it. After that she went outside (W229 was having their cgm there) to join the P&W and we continued strategizing about the challenge and how to get friends.

Haha it was good la. We could get the challenge but for friends =/ thats a little tough. But we're believing in God and ourselves!

The W271 members left for Jumbo restaurant to eat. Lucky them. I had to stay behind to wait for W229 to leave so I could clear up and lock up. I had a phone call from Kristal, Gab's classmate. She said she couldnt get Gab, and asked if I wanted a job.

Immediately I said, "YES!" And her father's shop hired me so she'll be training me on Monday and I can start work soon!!! Yes...Praise the LORD!

Jonathan told me to ask Catherine for Daniel to teach me guitar. I'm seriously getting it back soon, whether or not I have to travel to his school or house. After I get my working schedule confirmed, I'll ask Catherine for his number.

After I finished cleaning up, I went to Jumbo to try to find the rest, but I went to the wrong one. There're two near my area. In the end I gave up, and walked to the station. I bumped into Aaron at the control station (lucky!) and saw that W229 with Catherine and Alvin havent left yet.

I waited with Alvin and Catherine for the next train because I didnt want to chiong for the one that was leaving.

They saw Daniel, a friend of Catherine's from SOT. It turned out that its the same Daniel Jonathan referred me to! What a small world. After that I got reminded of it and Catherine gave me his number.

Catherine told Alvin that I went with her for a Grooming session. =/ I kena. Saturday must wear nice nice, must put make up, must style my hair. LOL.

I wasnt keen on it because I didnt have to money to buy cosmetics and it was alr so late. So I told her I was gonna pay building fund and tithe this week, then she say no need money, can just dress up nicely. Then I said but have games tmr, so inappropriate. Then Alvin say can, just bring clothes and change before svc. -.- I can never win with them.

So tmr . . . See how :D

I have loads of things to thank God for today. Haha!

You know, if you have problems with life or what, try to use your QT to list down 20 things that you're grateful to God for. It can really help you look at life differently. Personally, when I started doing that, I subconciously loved my life more, and I learnt how to look at the good things, and forget the bad.

So it can really help you. Its done so much for me.

24/11/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: tmr's outreach

I had this dream about my "perfect" guy. It all seemed so perfect, and I was so happy.

Then, I woke up in my dream (so actually I'm still dreaming but the me in my dream woke up) and I realised that I fell asleep before the start of my last paper. But whatever, in the dream I screwed up my paper and I woke up feeling sore.

I AM FEELING SO FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW.

So may people are backsliding! Why why why why why why why??

This totally ruins my mood for anything.

23/11/06

// feeling :: hungry
// prayer for :: Sat's outreach

Today was another packed day for me!

First, I went for a zone meeting at 11am. There was a Bible study class there and I was involved. So now I'm currently taking up two Bible Study classes! Getting Started and Foundation Truth. Heh hehz. Gonna be good ~

And . . . I got my first tag!! My very first tag! But I didnt go for the interview so my name wasnt printed -.- ...

Ah so, after that I hadda rush down to school from Jurong to collect back our art pieces n our prep work from the exam center. Geez, out of 15 ppl, only 5 students + 1 teacher showed up. So you can imagine how hard it was to get everything back to school!

When we finally did it (thank God!) I went across the road to get my lunch cum dinner. Then I went to my hse in Dover. Watched TV and ate, then I fell asleep. Soon the sisters came, and all of us fell asleep on the couches!

They look so comfortable!

Ah, so anyway, today turnout for cell group isnt good =/ only 2 brothers and 5 sisters.

Catherine's sermon today wow-ed me! First, she talked about the kinds of life Christians would lead, like persecution and thanksgiving all that. The second part really made me sit up straight to get every word she said.

She talked about

Self-esteem.

At first, I thought that self-esteem was coordinated with pride. But it turns out I was wrong.

Every sane living Christian SHOULD have high self-esteem. Of course, like what Pst Kong always say, you are who you think you are.

Sure, we should be humble. But being humble doesnt equal to being a total bum and looking down on yourself. We are who we think we are.

Think about what you deserve! Perhaps, you may think you're a lowly creature of God and you dont deserve anything. True, we all dont deserve anything but come on, with such a great God like God Himself, what is too good for His children! If we think we cant get anything good, we're also indirectly saying that God isnt capable to giving those things to us.

I was so struck by this message that when she asked whether we had anything to say about it, I raised my hand and started telling her how it helped me in understanding other people who have low self-esteem of themselves.

We must have good self-esteem of ourselves before we can even accomplish anything!

Wish Gregory was still in W271. When I get back my guitar (If I ever do), I want to ask someone I know to teach me informally rather than engage a teacher. I thought of Gregory because he offered to lend me his guitar.

Wouldnt it be ideal if we were in the same cell. He could teach me before or after cell meeting. Now, with svc and BS after that, its kinda hard =/ argh. But, first things first. I gotta get back my guitar -.-

22/11/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Just for the record, that photograph was taken 4 years ago, so I do not look like that now. In case ppl misunderstand -.-

I went for zone prayer meeting yesterday night. It was good! I was surprised to see Catherine there too.

Pst CK taught us about the Holy Spirit. It was so good man I really learnt a lot by it. With these meetings, I can just see myself getting closer and closer to God!

Ah so all of us had a great time. This time, a lot more people showed up. I used have a battle of my flesh vs my spirit and I am glad that at times like this, my spirit usually wins out. Whenever I heard that there'll be zone meetings, I'll be so sian that I wish I didnt have to go. But, I would go in the end no matter what due to loyalty to the zone and I'll end up with so much more!

Wow. God may arrive a teeny weeny bit late at times of need but He never fails to show up :) haha!

Catherine's recording is in half an hour!

Oh, during thanksgiving cum prize-giving ceremony before my prelims, there was a special speaker who came. And well, she spoke two very impacting sentences that kept ringing in my head that dealt with unbelieving people:

If my God is not real, I have nothing to lose.
But if my God is real, you have everything to lose!

20/11/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Alright, uh, so, I feel asleep in the afternoon again. I guess the reason for that was the powertrip at about 12pm and since everything I wanted to do required electricity (Watching DVDs, using the computer, watching TV, listening to stereo, even switching on the fan) so I lay on my bed and before I knew it, I was asleep.

I hate afternoon naps. I dont want to sleep so much. Becoming like a hibernating bear in winter if I keep this on any longer.

Oh, yes, my last paper!! Sci MCQ. It was rather easy, which was surprising. I was taking my time and in the end I barely had time to finish it. But...

I'm free!!!!

Oh, have something else to add in. I was praying for a financial breakthrough by this month because I seriously had to pay my tithe (for Nov) and my building fund (for Dec). Then, this morning, my grandma gave me my allowance again!

Now, I dont care what she or Gab says, but I seriously did get 2 allowances this week! Unless I remember wrongly. But even if I did, its such an amazing turnout! Praise the Lord! He really does help me out. I feel so loved :D

And now, I can pay my tithe for next month, this month and building fund for next month! How great is He?!

19/11/06

// feeling :: weird
// prayer for :: tmr's exam

When I woke up, I sms-ed Dehua right away, asking how come he didnt call me regarding svc today. As I was sms-ing him, I stopped to think about, well, church, cell and everything.

Then God just asked me, "what are you fighting for?" He used to ask me this question in the past, but I always thought I was fighting for salvations.

I didnt get God's point yet, so He threw me more and more subtle hints and sometimes very obvious hints, like Ms Ong calling and saying it to my face with regards of a similar situation, and Catherine saying it to the cell.

But still I didnt get it! And now, no one had to prompt me. Well, God did, and I realised what He was trying to tell me. What am I fighting for?

Am I doing all these for selfish means or what? Am I doing this for God and the church or myself?

Oh geez, this is a startling fact for me to realise. :( God has shown me a lot of my weak points and the bad sides of my mentality. I guess He wants me to change for the better. And I will!

Thank You Holy Spirit for slapping it straight in my face at the correct moment! I will change for You I promise. But of course I will also need Your help :)

Saw Bryan at Attributes yesterday. When I saw his face change when he saw me, my heart hurt. GEEZ! HARDEN YOUR HEART!

Also saw Wendy with Alis and Ml in the MRT yesterday. She looked at me like she wanted to slap me =/

18/11/06

// feeling :: full
// prayer for :: tmr's svc

I've made up my mind to learn cooking step by step. I admit I am bothered that other girls and even guys can cook, so I have been doing what I can.

So! When I have learnt how to cook a full meal, I'll throw a dinner or lunch for a few ppl. All fully cooked by moi :) but if something goes amiss and something happens, I promise I will personally buy medicine for you and pray for your healing.

Went for svc today. Yup and went for BS. BS was good :) It wasnt anything I expected. I love it haha, although I am rather concerned about the end exam =/

Heh, Xavior burned POT for me right up to episode 178 so with MarHeaven on YouTube, I'm all set for about 2 weeks! <3

I'm insulted. I probably shouldnt let things like this bother me, but when my mom asked how come I was having cup noodles for dinner and I said that was all I could afford now, Gab started this whole grumbling about A&B. She said some stuff that really insulted me and City Harvest and the worst thing is that, now my mom agrees with her.

Great. Another person to object to City Harvest. I am growing in the Lord after I joined. Why cant they see past the strains and look at the pros? Besides, what they dont understand is that giving to A&B will help me to grow and it will also benefit me.

Yare yare. I pray that they will understand one day, and even if they dont, I pray that they'll just keep their comments to themselves. I'm a big girl now, not a small kid who is prone to being "conned". Besides, how can you condemn giving to God?

Anyway, two days ago, I was praying about my financial status and asking God to help me. And last night, I received this revelation from God. I modified it to make it fit into my situation:

17/11/06

// feeling :: good.
// prayer for :: tmr's svc!

Yeah tmr is svc day!! Hooray.

Haha, thanks to yesterday's revival, I had a pleasant time doing my QT. Things went better than expected and I really could engage in the Holy Spirit. Had such a wonderful time worshipping Him and praying that I didnt want to stop. I had to cuz I locked Gab out of the room and I have exam today :D

Feedback-ed about to to Catherine hahaha. She was happy to hear that. Well, who wouldnt be, right? I mean except the devil la but who cares about him.

I went for exam today. History elective. Feels shiok to strike out another exam after such a long break of a week. I panicked at the start of the exam though. When we were checking for the correct pages in the paper, I glanced through the SEQs. I nearly peng-ed when I saw the sub-headlines of the topics.

Aftermath of World War 1, Aftermath of World War 2 and Cold War in Berlin.

Sia la I really felt my head burst after I saw the topics tested. I totally blanked out while doing my SBQs first. I kept thinking about what am I gonna do about the SEQs. Which was I gonna choose.

The reason for my panic is because I majored in the causes of World War 2, not the effects. The only other thing I was good at was Russia. I was worrying in the midst of my SBQ -.- and totally wasted precious time away.

I saw the first question about WW1. Turns out its about the League of Nations and the Treaty of Versailles -_- I was worrying for nothing!!

LON was just about the preserving of peace after the first war so that was rather concentrated on one aspect. That one I could do. Then was the TOV. That one was actually the first cause of WW2 which escalated to the war. That was even easier to do but due to my wasting time worrying, I had to rush through the TOV qn.

The ironic thing about the TOV was that it was made by the LON to preserve peace in putting an end to world wars. But their idea of "preserving peace" was to humiliate Germany, make her pay reparations (oh shit I wrote rearnaments!! Die) and decrease her army by about 90%.

So in the end instead of preserving peace, it kinda brought about WW2 because the Germans were pissed off. LOL. I just realised it today when I was writing the essay. Never did think about it that way. HAHA its so funny la. =/ wanted to say something about LON but I decided not to in case I get sued.

One more exam and I can enjoy. Till I get a job. I seriously need a financial breakthrough!

16/11/06

// feeling :: GREAT!
// prayer for :: tmr's paper =/

TODAY WAS A FANTASTIC DAY!!!

Let me tell you about it :D

First, there was a small zone prayer meeting with Pst CK. We played games first, then went into a time of Praise and Worship. Pst CK told us to pray, and while we were praying, he mentioned 2 groups of people:

1) those who want to speak in a different tongue
2) those whose fire for God has gone out and want it back

He told these people to raise up their hands wherever they are. To my surprise, the whole room lifted up their hands.

Then he prayed for us, and he laid hands on us. I was one of the last the last to fall.

It was so cool! After that, I could really feel God and the Holy Spirit come closer to me. I spoke in an entirely different tongue and my fire for God just came back like that!

After that, my mood for Christ dampened because of dental. I decided to put in pink because I was kinda tired of transparent all the time. I was also hoping that the pink could bring out the more girlish side of me.

Then I went for CGM!! Well, not really la. Went to my hse with Gab first. The door was opened and there were shoes outside. I unlocked the gate and crept inside. Suddenly I saw a shadow move in my room. Freaked me out upside down inside out! Turned out to be the tenant. Scare me sia. He said he wouldnt be there. Lol.

I left the hse to go to Jumbo restaurant to dabao dinner for me, Cailing, Gab and Catherine. The fried rice so much sia and so ex too. But these few days my sister has been blessing me la with food and all that because she understands my cash constraint for A&B.

Watched TV with the cg girls and Dehua. After awhile Catherine came, and she talked to us about the zone and Kristos de Corps. Hehe. After that me and her tried our luck at connecting her laptop to the sound system.

Amazingly, it took quite fast (10 secs?), regarding the other times, which took about 15 mins? Hahaha. I was subconsciously doing a foolproof method to making it work, and she smiled at me, saying that I know the secret to it alr HAHA. I've got a secret weapon ;)

After that, the connection was lost...then when I left my place to talk to Gab in the room, the music worked ok again -.- maybe I've got static or something that affects the connection. Lolz.

CGM was great!!! As great as the prayer meeting :D:D:D

First, Catherine gave us beauty/grooming tips by getting volunteers to demonstrate. Michael went up for trimming of eyebrows, Alissa and Cailing went for makeup. Lolz. Next week may be hair-styling for guys. I think I'll put on makeup on Saturday.

Yeah, then after that she shared a brief message about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. She focused on tongues.

Then, we spent like, I duno how long praying in tongues. We just prayed and prayed and prayed. I could see the difference before and after my renewal of the spirit in prayer meeting. At CGM, I never got tired. I just carried on praying. I never stopped. And Catherine could hear me.

She asked us to prophesy. It was so cool. Weikeong went first, telling us about how God will see us through any storm and how cooperation will keep us safe. Then Maggie went and told us about our bondages that were broken by Jesus and our faith. Last went Michael, and he talked about basing our love for God on God's love for us. He quoted Psalms 91 too.

After that, we gave our offering. It was a special offering, because as the envelope went ard, people were holding onto it and praying about it. It was simply wonderful.

I washed the cups and all, cleaned up the house and left with Catherine and Jonathan. Catherine asked me how come I didnt prophesy, because she had expected me to be one of the first to voice out. She asked what was the point of me praying seriously.

She had to talk to Mag and WK about smth and so Jonathan and I left first. Michael came and gave Jonathan a lift to the station and gave me a lift to Tiong Plaza. We got lost though -.- ended up going round and round in circles.

Well my mom came in and cleared my stuff off my bed. And I kinda lost it at her because I could clear it myself. But now I feel super guilty. I guess she did that because she was bored, and she needed someone to talk to since my dad left.

As he goes, I begin to resent it more and more. I cant get baptized next month because he's not here, cant celebrate Christmas with him and our birthdays. It kinda takes away all meaning in those days.

Whats baptism for your Daddy God when your earthly dad isnt there? Whats Christmas for your Daddy God when your earthly dad isnt there? Whats birthdays when you only spend it with your earthly dad and he isnt here?

As time passes, I begin to be more sensitive to his absense. I'd picture him coming into my room at night to say good night, I dream about him eating with me, I dream about him coming home. Crap. I realised that I miss him a lot.

Is God being closer to me to make up for the absense of my earthly dad? Yeah, I know there's no way thats possible.

But overall, not including my thoughts about my dad, today was a fantastic day. Thank You Lord Jesus. I'm a new person.

16/11/06

// feeling :: full
// prayer for :: heh, tmr's exam

I couldnt sleep last night again! So I stayed up all night..Just kept myself awake because by the time I could fall asleep, it would've been time for me to get up anyway. I just hope I wont fall asleep during CGM lolz or it'd be bad.

The day's packed for me. First its Youth Meeting from 11-1 or 1:30 at Jurong West Auditorium, then from there, I gotta get to NUH by 2:30 for my dental appointment. After that, ends maybe ard 5, then go to my hse at Dover to prepare for CGM.

I thank God everything's ard West area. Imagine if I had to travel from east to west, from north to south. I would've been too exhausted to move by nightfall, considering that I was deprived of sleep. Plus, I got exam tomorrow. Hai sian.

My mom nearly exploded when she heard my plans for today, esp when she know I have Hist exam tmr. She "demanded" I ask for it to either be cancelled, held somewhere else, or end early. Catherine allows it to be ended earlier so yeah I guess thats good.

Lucily my mom wasnt that unreasonable, if not I think I gotta tell the cell to find somewhere else to go in such short notice =/

Aiya I blame my stupid ear for causing me discomfort the whole night. Not being able to sleep was bad enough. Why, why, why does it have to be infected now. Hopefully its not that noticeable :D

I'm leavin in about an hour's time. Duno what I'm gonna do now also...

15/11/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Thats it. Its the last time I'm using the Snoopy piggybank I brought home from my cg hse. Two dollars were stuck inside just now. Thanks to my sister, I could get it. $2 was stuck inside!! Hey hey, that $2 is vital for my tithe, you know.

Thanks to the head being so big and the neck so small, only the coins could get through. But its so cute la. Sigh. Too bad I cant use it. Nvm lah haha I have 7 other Snoopy piggybanks at my cg house so I can go there and slowly choose again tmr during fellowship.

Ah so, when I woke up, I went downstairs to the coffeeshop to have lunch with my sister. We had mee goreng and the indian rojak, you know the one that you choose what you want..not the one with the pineapple and the peanuts all that. The other one. Duno how to explain also haha. I didnt take a photo of that one.

Man, the food alone cost us $10. Sheesh talk about reckless spending. It made us so full too. Gab couldnt finish her food. *Regret*

Yes, tmr got CGM!! We gotta bring the clothes that we are going to wear for Saturday tmr. Catherine is gonna be our image consultant and give us fashion tips lolz. Funny sia.

I'm seriously cant wait for a financial breakthrough from my work or from my parents because I really wanna get that L.I.P. DVD. Thats the only thing I want next to the anime and I'm set for the whole holiday (in break time: after/before work). I shouldn't have talked about it. Now I want it more than ever! Yare yare...

Mata shita! hohoenda kimi ni aeru you ni
sumi kitta aozora ukabu kumo no you ni
mune ippai hi no hikari abite aruki dasou
boku to!

15/11/06

// feeling :: full
// prayer for ::

I went for Prayer Meeting at Jurong West today. The one in the morning was cancelled.

Prayer meeting was good, although a little tiring. We sang my favourite song :D Come Holy Spirit. By the time the song played, I was alr worn out. I dont know why I'm so tired.

I had insomnia last night (yeah yeah, enough with the "I told you so"s). My mom couldnt fall asleep either, and Gab was still wide awake, so we all ended up watching Rumor Has It on the computer. It was okay...

I really hope I can fall asleep later. I screwed up trying to reset my biological clock.

My second ear hole is infected AGAIN. First, it was with the left ear. Now, its with the right ear. I've stubbornly left the earstick in the hole because I dun wanna close it :(

Lolz, Xavior got me loving Josh Groban again. I love the song Oceano. I duno the meaning of the song because its in Italian, but it sounds romantic :D Maybe I'll go look up the translated lyrics, if there is.

Oh, speaking of foreign songs, I just love the song Mata Shita by the voices of Ouran Host Club. Hahahahahhaa. When Gab heard it, she was like, what in the world am I listening to. But she got to like it after awhile. Its nice la.

I cant wait for Death Note and Eragon to come out to theatres!! I'm dying to watch those two shows, not to mention Death Note :D Although it seems pointless because I've alr finished reading the manga. I know more or less what's gonna happen, so the element of surprise is gone.

TODAY'S MY DAD'S BIRTHDAY! I know he doesnt read my blog but in case he does:

13/11/06

// feeling :: sleepy
// prayer for :: prayer meeting tmr

Hm so this morning I slept at 9am. All the way to ard 4.. Ate two plates of pasta that Danielle made herself :D very nice sia. Tastes like that of PastaMania.

Helped Gab to clean up her room. Lolz finally...Although her side's still a little messy, the whole room looks relatively cleaner.

Ate a lot of junk food today...Since 4, I only ate that pasta, then marshmallows and ice cream. I'm gonna go fat. But I dun really care la haha I could use the weight :P

Tmr got Prayer Meeting. I duno whats the one at 10am for...

I'm gonna sleep soon hehe. Yeah I know, you might think I'm a pig because I woke up barely 5 hours ago. I wanna get adapted to my new sleeping habit to accomodate to my QT timeslot.

QT is getting harder and harder for me...I'm really struggling with it every morning. Trying to keep awake, trying to push aside outside problems and worries, distraction of reading the Bible. The QT book I have isnt helping me cope with this problem. Yare yare..

Start being...decisive eh...

13/11/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Look. The reflection of the light made a cross.

Jesus is in my room with me :)

11/10/06

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Just when I was bored out of my mind and this quiz came along! Thanks, Aaron, for referring this to me!

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1) Cried: no
2) Worn jeans: nope
3) Met someone: yeah. met Cailing for cgm
4) Done laundry: nope
5) Went hungry: Yeaaaaah.
6) Talked on the phone: Uh huh. Last person was Maggie
7) Said I love you: I dont think so. to God counted?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
8) Yourself: Yeah! You gotta to succeed!
9) Your friends: Sure sure ~ if not they wouldnt be my friends
10) Tooth fairy: Erm. Last time? :D
11) Destiny/Fate: Fate, yes I do.
12) Ghosts: o.0 Well my mind plays tricks on me after horror movies
13) UFO: no -.-

FRIENDS AND LIFE.
14) Did you ever wish you had another name? : When I was young. I didnt like Gab so I didnt want a similar sounding name :P
15) Do you like anyone? : Yeah
16) Which of your friends acts most like you? : Most like me? I'd have to say Michael.
17) When you cried the most who was there? : Well. No one. Who wants to cry in front of a person?
18) What's the best feeling in the world? : Having an encounter with God!!
19)What's the worst feeling in the world? : Erm. One. Feeling as though God isnt there.
20)What time is it now?: 2212

WHICH IS BETTER...
21) Chocolate or vanilla : chocolate!
22) Coke or Pepsi : Coke
23) Love or Lust : Love, definitely
24) Sprite or 7-Up : erm I like both the same
25) Girls or guys : Girls! I'm sexist.
26) Scruff or Clean shaved : Clean shaven, of course.
27) Movies day or night : Erm. If horror movies, day. If love movies, night.

THE LAST TIME YOU...
28) Took a shower : Around 6pm
29) Cried : Cant remember sia.

WHO...
30) Makes you smile : Many people! My family, Xavior, Michael, Isabelle . . .
31) Who can make you smile no matter what : Whoa. All as mentioned, I guess..
32) Are you in love right now : Nah.

DO YOU EVER...
33) Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call : Yeah once of twice. To avoid interception.
34) Save AIM conversations : AIM?
35) Wish you were someone else : Well I did wish I was Storm once :D
36) Wish you were a member of the opposite sex : No way! No NS for me!!
37) Go online for longer than eight hours: Yeah hahaz.
38) Stucked in a lift : Nope.
39) People you dont know and you went out with them : Yeah. Haha Alex and Mehdi
40) Hate a person to the core that you wish that he/she will die immediately : Think I wad -.- Kira? Hahaha. (I read too much Death Note)
41) Swear your parents or siblings : No way.
42) Read comics until you cry : Well. Once haha. When a basketball team lost a close game.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
43) That you saw : I'm with Gab and my mom now
44) You talked to : Gab lor haha
45) You hugged : My dad!
46) Instant messaged you : Hmm. I'm now talking on msn to Michael, Xavior and Daniel

DO YOU...
47) Color your hair : nope. In ten days, yes!
48) Have tattoos : no...
49) Have piercings : Yeah, 4 ear holes. 1 of which closed.
50) Have on lipsticks : now? no..
51) Own more than 10 pairs of flip flops : haha no..
52) Like someone : yesh.
53) Hate someone : nope.
54) Have any money on you : nothing at all =x all to A&B! Those who start immediately are good finishers! hahaha

Layer one - On the outside
Name : Michelle Tan Nian En
Birthdate : 7/1/89
Current status : Single and available! -.- nolah, taken by God haha.
Eye color : Black
Zodiac sign : Capricorn

Layer two - On the inside
Your heritage : Peranakan HAHAHHA.
Your fears : losing my family
Your weaknesses : erm. a lot sia. where to start?

Layer three - Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your first thought when you wake up : "I dont want to go to school!"
Your bedtime : indefinite. On school days - 10pm. Others - ard 12pm.
Your most missed memory : First 3 months of CHC.

Layer Four - Your Pick
Mac or KFC : KFC!
Single or group dates : depends..groups dates are more fun, but single dates are more romantic
Adidas or nike : Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Lipton
Cappucino or coffee : coffeeeeee

Layer Five -Do you
Smoke : uh no.
Curse : no -.-
Take a shower : D-UH
Have a crush : yes
Think you've been in love : dont think so..
Like school : Erm. No =/

Layer Six - In the past month
Drank alcohol : nope
Gone to the mall : yes
Been on stage : nope
Eaten sushi : yes! Going tmr also!
Been dumped : no -.-
Gone skating : nope. dont like skating.
Think you're a health freak : no way. I eat like no one's business.

Layer Seven - Have you ever
Played a stripping game : ... no...
Changed who you were to fit in : yeah.

Layer Eight - Getting old
Age you are hoping to get married : 25. meet the guy at 20, get married at 25 -.- all planned by my mom

I LOVE : my family! my friends, God, church, my cell, my computer, DEATH NOTE
I FEEL : comfortable
I HATE : Mondays, waking up early
I HIDE : my money
I MISS : all of them
I NEED : to get off my rear end and do something more productive than this quiz -.-

List 5 persons which you want him/her to take this quiz :
- AARON (hehe do again)
- Xavior
- Michael
- Gaby
- Dehua

10/11/06

This is Gab's side of the room. How my side used to look like too.

This is my side after I cleaned up.

There's my laptop with my family photo, my chip keychain, and the emoticons that Xavior bought -.- And hehe, there's my Snoopy piggybank! I brought that back from my Snoopy collection in my other hse when I went there for CGM. CUTE RIGHT?!

Ar. I'm proud of my room now. Well, my side, that is.

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

This is for...someone.

Don't take too long to say I love you
To the one you love
Cuz time has a habit
Of slipping away
Out of the clear blue sky
When lightning strikes on a stormy day
Just take me in
And keep me from the rain

And the words that seem so hard to say
Come on, friend, you've gone the way
Just stay a little while
And hear me say

I want you here tonight
I need you by my side
For just one moment
Just one more moment with you

Turn away to say goodbye
To each and every one that passes by
Like a distant memory
And time keeps slipping away
And time will turn to gray
And time will be the one
To hold you down

And the words that seem so hard to say
Come on friend, you've gone the way
Just stay a little while and hear me say

Chorus


This person..I really miss a lot.

11/9/06

// feeling :: Hungry
// prayer for :: Tmr's paper.

Just finished cell! Hahaz. Supposed to be at Vivo at first, but due to the bad weather, they changed the venue back to my house.

I was half an hour late -.- thanks to my unreliable watch. I made A LOT of ppl wait for me. Sheesh I felt so irresponsible after that. Esp to Catherine =/

Games was fun hahaz. We split into two groups, and guess what. My group were all girls - with all our names starting with M. Me (Michelle), Maggie, Meiling, Meijuan, Michelle Mok. So zhun right.

The game required us to build a tower with newspaper, scotch tape, and toilet paper. The other group won..Hahaz. Ours was super funny..



Message was great. Title was How To Be A Good Finisher. In the end of the message, Sis Cat kinda prophesized in music. I was surprised when I knew that because all along I thought she was singing a real song! I didnt know it was thought up on the spot.

That song put me at ease. The first few lines were something like this:

Its gonna be okay
Its gonna be alright
Just call on Jesus' name

I felt my soul quieten down and I just listened to Sis Cat. I thought about many things, but I felt them leave my body and go into the hands of God. I knew that was the safest and best place for my problems to be. I left my house feeling great :)

Arise and Build is coming. I'm excited. I'm excited about how much I'm going to be stretched, how much I'm going to improve in my reliance on God, and how much I'm gonna grow.

8/11/06

// feeling :: stressed =/
// prayer for :: friday's paper.

SCIENCE IS OUT TO KILL ME. So hard.

I just realised..the big deal about Arise & Build. I just realised the amount of things I have to give up.

Movies, eating out, resting at home, buying DVDs, going to Thailand.

There are still more I havent discovered. Over those, the one that hurts me the most is going to Thailand =/ I promised Jen that I'd go back to look for him in my Dec holidays. I'll either have to go in Dec or dont go at all.

I have Arise & Build..I gotta work if I want to fulfill my pledge. Oh man... I want to go back to Thailand too!

Shucks. I've seen how tough the next 6 months are gonna be physically and psychologically. God, grant me strength to get through this!

Friday is Maths 2. Next Friday is History Elective. Next next Monday is Science paper 1. I'm almost done.

7/11/06

// feeling :: confused
// prayer for :: Tmr's exam.

Today was a short day. Just had Chemistry paper from 8am to 9:15am. Then go home. Zzz. The paper was so hard ... :'( I really hope Chemistry doesnt pull my science down.

Section B Question 9 was:

a i) What chemical bond does carbon dioxide have?
a ii) Draw the electronic structure of carbon dioxide. [7]

SEVEN marks for that leh! Power sia. I think everyone did that question. If I dont bag that 7 marks, I can go retake my paper alr. Of cos, I wouldnt know if I got the marks so I dun need to retake xD

Tmr's English paper 1 & 2, then its Physics. We have like, 3 hours break in between.

4 more days of papers, then its oveeeeeeeeeeeeeer! Cant believe it. We have so little papers.

(I know now's kinda the wrong time to think about this, but ...) Gab told me my mom wants us to go highlight our hair once O levels are over. I think Dan's hair came out pretty nice when she highlighted it red so yeah..MAYBE I'm going for orange. Gab's also going for that and she says its ok to highlight the same color as her. Would've been cool too. Ah. SEE HOW. Now, O lvls -.-

Oh yes, Sis Cat signed all of us up for BS! I tot she forgot about it when I spoke of it to her. I'm in the same class as Ml, Michael and Ken (I almost typed "Kenneth" -.-) for 8pm every Saturday starting this week. Luckily its this coming Saturday. If it was last Saturday or what, sure cannot.

I'm looking forward to it.

6/11/06

// feeling :: HUNGRY
// prayer for ::

I cleaned my room yesterday! Now its so clean :D Well, my side of the room is. I wish I took a before and after shot of my room. Can see the BIG difference.

I can finally put the laptop on my table -.- I used to put it on top of another laptop which was on about 5 sketchbooks. Thats how bad my room is.

Today had Maths 1 and SS. Maths 1 was ok, but SS was -slides my finger across my neck-.

Heehee going to eat Macs with Gab !! She's treating me because she knows I'm in the midst of A&B. Hehz. Tmr Chem -.-

5/11/06

// feeling :: bad
// prayer for :: ??

Tried to study SS but I fell asleep and had a nightmare. Woke up and went to watch Tsubasa on Channel U. But the dialogue's in chinese, not jap. Not fun.

At the dinner a few nights ago, my grandma told me that she's been praying that I wont go for the blood donation. Maybe thats why I "coincidentally" left my EzLink at home. She said I was alr so weak, and what if I faint after giving that much blood. I'm not weak lah...

Family's in an emotional wreck I guess. They're hiding it very very well.

I would've typed dad under "Prayer For". Hmpf..

Got reminded that he's leaving a lot today.


Half-packed suitcases next to packed ones.
Fixing of the webcam and microphone so we can still see each other and talk free.
Words of thanks for the ppt.
Blowing up of pictures to make it as if he's still here.


The day before they leave is always the hardest day. I wish he would just hurry up and go.


Stupid Loser. he really knows how to hit someone with the most heartbreaking events huh. Lumping all the hurting things together with the important things that need our attention.

I've O lvls and Arise and Build, then comes my dad leaving and Isabelle leaving W271.

Wont say anymore bout it. As much as I try, I concentrate on the good things that make me happy.

// feeling ::
// prayer for ::

Heard from Alissa, Mj and Ml that they saw Isabelle and Wendy at Expo mrt. Apparently they were on the same train as all of us but I was walking at the back with Gab, Michael and Ken. So, didnt see them...

I duno what I would do/say if I saw her anyway.. I dreamt of her yesterday night I think. Either that or the day before. I dreamt that she wasnt coming back to W271 anymore. Then it came true. Of all my dreams, that had to come true -.-

I still duno what happened though. I only know bits and pieces but I'm not taking their word for it. I'm not going to believe anything until I hear it from her...I dun think..She's that mean to keep things like this from me.


Today, or rather, yesterday was A&B svc for W271. I loved it! All of us really put all of our faith into the pledge. I was touched when I saw people crying when they held up their pledge to God. I guess what they pledged really is their life.

A&B will really stretch our faith. Some have to fast, some have to take up another parttime job.

I'm excited for A&B and how much closer I'll get to God. But I'm also scared about the amount of work I have to put in. Will I even last till April?

Well, I have my cell and God behind me to encourage me ;) I believe I can do this.

Well, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I cant wait to see how W271 is gonna arise. Like Sis Cat says, anyone can build, but not everyone can arise.


Isabelle, I'm not gonna lie to you. I want to know what happened. If you can tell others, why did you leave me out?

4/11/06

// feeling :: full
// prayer for :: her.

I didnt update for the past 2 days. Been too busy or too lazy hahaz.

On Thursday, I went to PS to look for Sis Cat at Macs. She was gonna be late so I just sat there and read the Bible, scribbled stuff into my notebook..

When she came, I spent like 45 mins with her talking about A&B. She helped me culculate what I can give with my abilities, eg, finding a fulltime job with good pay. I'm revved up for A&B so I wanna faster clear my Os then go out n work alr.

Talking to her was good because now I know where to start.

After that chiong-ed home to change for the dinner with my family. Last dinner together with my dad..

He wun be here for his birthday, christmas, my birthday...


Yesterday, had cell! I went earlier to Dover to meet Dehua and Michael first. We watched Guiness World Records -.- dumb show.

Then ate maggie mee lolz. Nice lar. Eat until Sis Cat and the rest came. Had to chiong down all the noodles hahahaa.

Sis Cat was talking to Xinni bout some stuff first, so the rest of us divided into 3s or 2s to pray together for the cell group. As usual, my group was the last to finish -.- lolz. Meiling and I seemed to have a lot to pray for.

They played UNO.. Helped Sis Cat set up the music thru her laptop, then it was GAMES!

Games was super fun la. Its smth like charades. Lolz. Laugh like siao. Everyone had a great time.

Word was good, as usual. About A&B hahaz. I duno whats my pledge sia...I hope I get the conviction thats its correct/ another amount soon. Heh. Getting excited.

Argh I forgot to bring home my piggybank!!! Sheesh. Its at my other place. Sigh. Its so ideal for A&B hahaz. Ken also wanna borrow one of mine. I have like, 8 Snoopy piggybanks. Up for rent! FOC...Specially for A&B only..

Later got outreach!! Games again!!! Woohoo! I love it.. Hahhahaha. Best part: GAB IS GOING.

Praise the Lord yah!

1/11/06

// feeling :: tired
// prayer for :: friday's cgm.

Art's over. For good.

Unless I take an arts course after sec sch.

I should be relieved but it feels weird. The art room has been my 3rd home now. Gonna miss it. Gonna miss Mdm Lim too.

Dumb art exam situated in the middle of the day...2pm to 5pm..so late. Zzz.

Feel like eating McDonald's vanilla cone.

Oh...Tmr having dinner with whole family..Last dinner tgt with my dad's mom and siblings before he leaves.

:'( gonna miss him.



I need to go thru a mind operation. Get distracting thoughts away from me... Grr..

DO NOT DWELL ON THINGS YOU CANNOT CHANGE, OK?!

Sian. I just miss her.


In the bus today, I was listening to the song From the Inside Out. I listened to it all the time because it was Gab's ex-favourite song (she used to play it almost everyday).

I wasnt paying attention to the song because a lot was on my mind. But I heard the words "everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Never-ending, Your glory goes beyond all things."






Everlasting.






Never-ending.






THATS GOD'S LOVE.

Everlasting. Never-ending.

We'll always have it with us. For when other things start to fade away, His Word endures forever.

I felt spirited. When things seem to crumble and your world starts to shake, His Word Stands Forever.

My Foundation, my Solid Rock.

I wont be scared anymore. He'll work things out for me. I just got to do what I can do.

Tch. Being strong isnt easy. I've a lot more to learn.

1/11/06

// feeling :: so-so.
// prayer for :: today's art exam.

Finished my art prep work. Zz. Planning to do some stuff like watch anime or read that book until its 4am. At that time, I'll go somewhere quiet and I'll do my QT. Then SLEEP. Till ard 12? Then go for exam -.- sian.

The power of the mind.

When I was sitting on my bed and looking at Gab's back when she was doing her art, I thought of how much closer we've gotten due to circumstances.

Then I realised something. I remembered that people would say that God wants us to meet a few wrong ppl so when we meet the right one, we'd know how to treasure that person. But Pst Kong also once said that God gave us a family for LOVE when we're without a partner yet.

I looked at my sister and many thoughts came to my mind. I didnt need many failed relationships to learn from there. My "experience" in my family is enough.

Apart from your future spouse and God, the people whom you love with unconditional love is your family. I learnt how to love my family despite their shortcomings, especially Gab. Once we know how to love the people alr there in our life, we'll learn to love the people to come ;)


Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody.. Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry. Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby. Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, lookin down the road you should be taking. I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go.


I wanted to post this up when I heard the song Have You Ever from S Club 7 an hour ago. Due to some things that happened I wanted to discard the idea but heck, just posted it up. No harm done. Unless someone gets offended by it LOL which I think is unlikely.

Anyway. I try not to think about things that bother me. I'd rather focus on how to solve those problems. Some problems are not for me to solve anyway..I'd rather use the time to do other things than to waste time, energy and effort on things I cant change.

Out of point.

Went Sakae today or rather, yesterday. The first sushi I ate was Ika sushi. I think its jellyfish. A word of advice...

NEVER EAT IKA.

It stinks and its hard to swallow and its slimy and it tastes gross.

Well, no offense to ppl who like ika.

Ah ok ok. End of entry. ;) have a great day.